Just What the Doctor (Never) Ordered

There it was, on the open top of my husband's dresser, a pink envelope with my name on it. I had no recollection of what this was, and opened it up to find a Mother's Day card from last year from my own mother, with a generous gift certificate to the nearby nail salon and a smaller card to a nearby bookstore. I was very excited to find the bookstore certificate, because I am in bad need of some new fiction (remember in my Dick Francis review how I mentioned I don't really enjoy mysteries? I've been reading the Sherlock Holmes Mysteries, for pete's sakes, for lack of anything else in the house to read), but I noticed the expiration date on the nail salon certificate, and that it was one week away. Use it before you lose it, right?
So here I go, picking up the phone to make an appointment for only the second manicure/pedicure of my life. It just feels so foreign to me, because I never would spend money like that on myself. It feels frivolous to me. I know lots of girls do it, but I am just not oriented that way. I always liked that about myself, the fact that I was low-maintenance, not overly concerned with falseness of appearance, someone who puts others before herself. I am much more likely to spend forty bucks on entertaining my children than sinking it into something that feels like a vanity to me.
After this weekend, though, I am completely changing my point of view on this. As I sank into the leather chair and rested my feet in the tub of hot water, I began to feel some of the tension of the week slide off of me. It has been a rough week. My car broke down mid-week, crashed and burned. I was without sufficient funds to replace it but desperately needing transportation to make my daily hour long rush hour commute both ways. I was in a tough spot. I had to rely on my parents to help me out, something I hated to do, something that made me feel like an absolute failure. I had gotten myself emotionally worked up about it without any real release. Well, except for those two margaritas the night before this - boy, that felt good, but seeing as I passed out as soon as we got home, the reward was short lived.
I remembered the last and only time I had been here, and how the chatter of the Asian women who worked there made me feel very comfortable and relaxed, although I had no idea what they were saying. This time, I was introduced to the massaging action of the chair, and as the chair kneaded the tightly wound muscles of my shouders and neck and the woman rubbed my calves and feet, I began to allow myself to relax. This is huge for me, a letting go that I seem to have a hard time doing.
I read something once about Virgos, my birth sign, that made me laugh. It said that because Virgos are so uptight and tend to be nervous and high-strung, they should avoid intense cardio workouts and instead pursue yoga and meditation for their physical health. It went on to explain that cardio workouts bring a soul's energy up to a higher level of excitement, but the Virgos need to force themselves to relax and instead calm their energy down. I think it is so true, but because I don't like relaxing, I have avoided yoga and instead tended towards the cardio they suggested my sign should avoid: running, stairmaster, swimming, team sports.
As the woman dipped my feet in the paraffin wax and smoothed away my skin, I wondered why, with all the doctors and therapists I've seen for my "nervous" conditions, no one ever suggested yoga, centering exercises, meditation, getting pedicures, massages, or simply practicing relaxation techniques. They always rushed to the prescription pads, wanting to give me muscle relaxers to calm down, or antidepressants to take the edge off, without really looking at the root of the problem. The problem is not that I have a chemical imbalance, but simply that I never learned how to calm myself down. I joke with my friends sometimes that even my hobbies start to stress me out, because I begin to take them too seriously. I frequently bite off more than I can chew, take on more than I should handle on my own, thinking that I am simply strong enough to bear it all. I push myself too hard and don't ask for help when I need it. I go and go and go until I fall down or freakout, and I know it takes its toll on my body.
I was having a hard time even accepting this gift. I was watching the woman work the dead skin out from around my toes and shape my cuticles and it made me feel so uncomfortable I wanted to tell her to stop and just go on home. Strangely, though, it started to make me think about Jesus. I was thinking about how in our Wednesday night Bible Study, we were talking about the events of the night of the Last Supper. Do you remember what Jesus did before the meal? He took off his robe, pulled on a towel, and began to wash the feet of each of his disciples. I remember our leader posing the question to us, "How do you think this made the disciples feel?" We had decided that probably felt pretty strange to them, pretty humbling. This man who they looked up to as their leader, the Messiah, the Anointed One, the one they wanted to serve, was instead serving them.
There is some controversy to this in some churches today. Some feel like this is a ritual Jesus wanted us to continue literally, and hold ceremonial foot washing ceremonies where they gather together latex gloves, antibacterial soap, towels, and small tubs and host a gathering where some wash others feet. Some feel like this was something that was relevant to the times, but has lost the relevancy today, and really what Jesus was saying was for us to take care of each other, even if it means humbling ourselves to do it. As Matthew 23:12 reads, "And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." As Jesus humbled himself to wash the feet of his followers, he said to them, "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." (John 13:1-7).
Does an example mean we take it literally?
Some people even incorporate foot washing into their marriage ceremony as a way of demonstrating perhaps what Jesus was trying to demonstrate - that in order to love each other, we have to love each other selflessly. We have to be willing to serve each other.
I, though, like Peter in the Gospel of John, am uncomfortable being served by someone else. Sure, we both have our same reasons. As I am thinking about this, however, a woman comes in. The Asian nail girls greet her by name, and she take the chair next to me and begins to soak her feet. Before my lady is finished with my nails, this lady (who has been very helpful to me, helping me understand what was expected of me next) announced that she had to come back later, because she had a massage appointment. As she walked out, I thought how she was a woman who was taking care of her need for relaxation. She had no qualms about being served by someone else. I found that inspiring.
Just then, I overheard one of the other customers near me telling her manicurist that "I thought I had found my path, but God had other plans for me." She was telling of a story in which God revealed his plan to, instead of having her teach children, tell her to get her real estate license and work alongside her husband. I found that comforting to think about as well.
Sometimes I think my source of stress is that I am worrying about the road I am on, and if it the one of destiny or the one of my own free will. Is my free will standing in the way of God's plan for me? I wish for signs to appear pointing me in the right direction, or assuring me that I am following it. What this woman said, though, made it all feel simpler, like I was falling backwards into the gentle hands and plans of the Man Upstairs. God will decide the plan for you. All you have to do is listen, and if you are not on the right road, he will let you know.
After these moments of clarity in the leather chair of the nail salon, I decided I was going to try to keep myself in this "pedicure bubble", where nothing could bother me. I had pretty pale pink perfect nails, and nothing could touch me. If I could stay here, I could stay relaxed.
Determined to keep my "bubble" intact, I tried to relax into other recreational opportunities. We did some fishing, I got some nice wilderness hike geocaches in, grilled some food in the backyward, went to the park. In order to preserve my bubble, I just enjoyed the hike while grabbing three geocaches, and didn't let the fact that if I don't get at least ten caches a week, I do a backslide on the Grand Poobah List give me a moment of performance pressure.
I wish I could stay in that frame, and I decided to make that my goal. I made a mental list of that I want to do more of, and what I wanted to do less of. Making a point to take care of my mental well-being by playing more classical music, worrying less, enjoying the moment fully, giving in to the massage chair, and letting go.
As I left the nail salon, it was with the realization that I had enough money left on my certificate to come again. I asked about the date and the woman assured me she would honor it.
"Don't wait too long, though."
I think I have, but I don't think I will again.



P.S. Saturday afternoon the Kentucky Derby was marred by the unexpected death of a racehorse, Eight Belles, a filly who placed second, and then broke both ankles after crossing the finish line. She was euthanized on the track immediately after diagnosis. Please watch the tribute I chose to post about her. So sad.