BOOK REVIEW

VANITY OF DULUOZ

by Jack Kerouac

"Vanity of vanities, all is vanity"

Ecclesiastes 1:2

My, my, Jack. What have you done?

The answer, it seems, is "everything under the sun".

This book starts and ends with reference to Ecclesiates, or the "Wisdom of Solomon", from the Old Testament. It shows a Jack who, in his older years, did in fact turn back to his "little lamby Jesus", as opposed to the Buddhism heavily endorsed in the last Kerouac book I reviewed (see Dharma Bums).

It is also the prattle of old and hardened Jack, heavily hitting the sauce during this time and entrenched in the cultural viewpoint of his mother. The book was written in a tone directed towards his third "wifey", Stella Sampas, in an attempt to show her where he had been and how he got to where he is now. The story is a recap of Jack's "formative" years, covering time periods from his early years as a student and athlete in Lowell, MA, to his time in the Merchant Marine, and ending with the death of his father in 1944. It is essentially the description of the events that led him to find his calling as a writer.

It is also the most boring and tedious work I have read of his, and runs a close tie for the most difficult Kerouac book for me to finish (up there with Visions of Cody). I would not recommend this book to anyone who was not a serious Kerouac fan like myself. In truth, it was only my desire to know all about his life and read every line he has written that compelled me to finish this book. I kept wanting to put it down in place of another fiction novel.

The book is somewhat interesting in that it includes details from Kerouac's life history not found in other places. Some of the stories from the Merchant Marine days are actually fascinating, including his travel to exotic locations. It amused me to read stories about him leaving the boat when he wasn't supposed to to get drunk somewhere, sometimes losing all his money in the meantime and having complicated scenarios where he has to somehow get the money to get back to the boat. To know about what inspired him to write before he wrote anything that amounted to much was engaging, and I would love to get my hands on a copy of The Sea is My Brother, or the manuscript he lost in a taxi cab that was never recovered or published.

Another facet of the book that I found interesting as well is how he refers to his friends, or doesn't, in this book. By this time in Jack's life, his friendship with Allen Ginsberg had lasted through several decades. Ginsberg was, I believe, instrumental in getting Jack published and getting him literary attention. Even though their friendship had suffered a cooling off period due to Kerouac absorbing some of his mothers anti-sematicism, Ginsberg was still victim to phone calls in the wee hours of the morning from a drunken Jack. However, Kerouac says very little about Ginsberg in this book, even though this was a significant friendship during this time period, and what he does say is not very nice ("I never really liked him much", also a suggestion that Jack and his first wife felt Allen to be lecherous). The book does, however, wax sentimental about William Burroughs (all these people by pseudonym, of course), who by this point had put Kerouac clean out of his life for all his wine-reeking offensiveness as a friend.

Historically, this book is important in terms of understanding how Jack the boy became Jack the man, who published many novels of importance during his lifetime. However, it is written with little of Jack's usual "poetry-like prose", is missing the language that made his previous books so popular. It is a good story without the narrative and depth to support it. The style is tedious and the tone pretentious, and I would put any other Kerouac book in front of this one as more accurate examples of what I loved about his writing.

TYPED

She shakes her head and looks at me.
"I still can't believe that. I just can't imagine it," she says.
We are standing outside on the wooden balcony patio of a club where we have come to see my first lover perform. I am talking to an old friend, someone I knew in my teenage years and probably haven't seen in over fifteen years.
"I just would never imagine that you would have married a soldier. That doesn't seem like your type at all."
"Why?" I ask her all the while thinking, I had a "type"? I ask for elaboration. "Because I was all 'peace, love, and -fff'-?" I make a sound of an inhale while holding my fingers up to my mouth, as if I was smoking a joint.
"Yeah, because of the peace, love, and fff..." she says, also bringing her hand up to her mouth as if she is smoking some herb, and laughing at me. Suddenly the years catch up with me, and I remember the girl she must be remembering, the one in long boot cut jeans and funky necklaces, hanging out with the long haired boys with a roach clip in my pocket, a Kerouac book in my hand, and The Beatles playing on a cassette tape in the car.
The funny thing is I don't feel like I have changed at all. I myself have been caught up in the dilemma of being married to someone who supports something I completely oppose. I would nonviolently protest his deployments but no one seemed to notice. I would stick a flower in the muzzle of his gun, if he was allowed to bring it home.
I don't support the war, but the war supports me, I used to quip while anxiously awaiting his letters home. Or, I don't support the war, but I support my soldier, while filling care packages to go overseas to an APO for sorting before being delivered to a base in the desert.
I never meant to marry into the military, and I tell her a story about how my college boyfriend was headed to the military until we got serious, and I told him how adamant I was that I would not be a military wife. He decided to go in another direction instead, and eventually I ended up breaking his heart anyway, to marry this man, this man who was NOT going to be a soldier but still had a contract for a few years with the National Guard. Then poof, 9/11 happened, and that which never happened before started happening - they started sending the National Guard, our "weekend warriors", overseas to fight the war on terrorism. Suddenly three of the ten years we have been married has been spent apart while he fights, something I don't believe in, for our "freedom".
At any rate, I am wondering what "type" of person she would have imagined me with. Would he have long hair and some kind of eclectic profession, some sensitive pony-tailed guitar player? I run through my top five loves in my head again, trying to determine if I had a "type".
Meanwhile we are there to watch one of those five perform with his band onstage. I was struck by something while watching him that I never noticed before, in all these years of rememberance of years past. There was something remiscent in his jaw structure, in his mannerism, his profile...Oh. I never noticed before how very much he looks like my college boyfriend. He makes a face a couple times on stage that was exactly like one R used to make to me sometimes. And I realize that maybe, just maybe, I had some kind of type there, some physical characteristics I was looking for without even realizing it.
Maybe it is a little unfair to lump them together. After all, their life circumstances and professional interests are completely different...
But for a moment there, watching him center stage, I think...maybe I did have a type after all.

ADVENTURES IN CACHING

Texas Challenge 09

Fredericksburg, TX

This year's Texas Challenge was much different than last year's, both in the individual and collective experience, and in format and style. Now for weeks the weather has been gorgeous and I have been dying to go camping, and go on a wild caching spree. Of course, as Nature would have it (she is such a bitch), it turned nasty and cold the weekend of this much anticipated event. There were a lot of cold cachers out there (172 logged the event last I looked)!

I planned on caching on the way out there on the five hour drive or so from northwest Houston, but the very first one I stopped at, it just got me pissed off and not wanting to cache. It was so cold and the rain was just biting into me, and I took one look and said "&^%$ this!"
Luckily for us (me), the rain let up when we hit the other side of San Antonio. I was able to grab a handful of caches around Blanco, off 281, before Ted reined me in and said we had to get going. (My favorite one was Kokopelli's Hangout. It is a really cool area and I am glad we stopped there.)

We had to get to the campsite in enough time to check in, pitch our tent, get situated, and then we had to get down the road to go to an event nearby, in the little town of Luckenbach. Don't tell me you don't know the song! (If you do, sing along...let's go to Luckenbach Texas, with Waylon and Willie and the boys). Here are my boys outside the old post office, converted to a country store with a bar in the back (smoking area only). Around the corner was a dance hall with live music, and a little feed shack to buy some food. Elisa bought me a beer while we were here and we looked for a cache together. I really wanted to spend more time with her but both of us had our families pulling us different directions.

Last year I took my oldest son to the Challenge, and he and I camped it. This year, we went as a family and took our new tent our friends Mari and Todd gave us for Christmas. Boy was it cold! The first night the wind about blew our tent away. I saw vacancies at the local hotels and kept trying to convince Ted we should reconsider our accomodations, but he was insistent that we camp.

When I went last year, it was the sixth Annual Challenge based on a system that had worked over the years, but had generated a lot of geographic rivalry. Last year, there were a lot of disgruntled cachers, particularly from our area, seeing as that our last (or was it third?) place ammo can was kicked over to us instead of being treated with respect. Many people also felt the scoring was sketchy. There was talk of torn chads like you hadn't seen since Bush's brother helped him with the election....

This year, "Mrs Captain Picard", aka Julie, along with several Central Texas cachers, organized a different kind of Challenge. You could enter the competitive event, which previously was the only event, or you could choose to do "casual caching". The Challenge Hide Team hid around seventy caches all around Fredericksburg and surrounding areas. For each one that you found, you stamped a card, and when you returned that afternoon, you received a ticket for each stamp. The competitive challenge was not based region to region (usually we have four: North, Southeast, Central, or West) but team to team, with divisions for coed versus single sex teams and different age brackets. This competition was held at Enchanted Rock, which is a beautiful big dome shaped rock (technically an exfoilation dome) in a scenic spot in the Hill Country of Texas. Instead of my doing the competitive cache with other SE Tx cachers, the four of us did the casual caching together.

The town of Fredericksburg itself has its charms. It is an old German town that stood by its roots and still has a Main Street filled with unique stores that caters now to a tourist crowd who come to enjoy E Rock, German food, antique shopping, and wineries. This sleepy hamlet, albeit Spring Break and German festivals, boasts to be America's #2 Wine Destination. It also hosts fascinating eateries, such as the original Porky's restaurant, at which we took this photo at the end of the casual caching.

My husband kept telling me about this awesome pulled pork sandwich he had there about two months ago when doing more processing of soldiers for upcoming deployments. I wanted to check it out, but when we got there, I had to order a cheeseburger instead of the pulled pork. He says I was missing out, but really I had missed out the night before, because I didn't realize the Luckenbach "feed shack" was cash only, and we were only able to get chili dogs and water with the dollars we had on us.

Now, my caching experience was not what I thought it would be, but it turned out all right. Originally, my friend Elisa and I were going to ditch the guys at a fishing hole with a child, and take the other child caching with us. We were going to hit it! Unfortunately, the weather did not favor that plan. ):

It was blustery and cold that first morning, the morning of the Challenge, so instead of cooking a hot breakfast over the grill that we planned, we all piled in the car to head into town for some kolaches...Now if there is one thing I love about German food working its way into Texas consciousness, it's the kolache!

So we were all in the car and I was texting Elisa, but she didn't get my message until she was at the campsite looking for me. She had to come there to pick up her card anyway, but I felt bad about missing her. By the time she called me, we were finding our first cache of the day.

We spent the day driving all around the town hunting caches. My plan for maximizing our cache find went out the window with the change of plans to go with our families instead of us girls. We managed to find a lot right in the town before the kids started insisting on going to a park. We decided to deviate from the Challenge caches and go after two non-Challenge caches there in town that were at a park. When we did this, I realized that the little one's diaper had gotten wet and leaked out all over both the pairs of pants he was wearing (we were all layered with clothing due to the forty degree temperature outside).

I had new diapers with us but not new pants, so we decided to go back to the campsite and regroup. This took about half an hour out of our day and really threw us off our rhythm. After this interruption, we headed south instead of north to town, and started grabbing some of the caches "off the beaten path" on back roads. The back roads made Ted nostalgic for his hometown and he started going on and on about how much he hates living in the city and we should get a place in the country. Our route led us to many wineries (the Hide Team hid a bunch outside these places), and once he started wine tasting to pass the time while I hunted the cache, he got even more nostalgic.

Some of the caches were hidden outside old school houses from earlier last century. These were double ticket items, in an attempt to generate more visits to them. At one of the ones like this we stopped at, an elderly German lady who went to school there as a child had some treats out and gave us tours, telling us stories about her days there at the school and what life was like for her growing up in the area.

At our last cache of the day, I ran into some friends of mine from back home who had done the competitive Challenge that morning. They were out hitting casual caches now, but they were very worn out! These women are also my friends on Facebook, which has turned out to be a good vehicle to get to know people better. At this stop, there was also a lady who was videotaping people finding the cache for a documentary she was doing.

By the time we finished eating at Porky's, it was time to turn in our cards at the pavilion near the campsite. It seemed like everyone in my family was ready to take a nap now except for me. I wanted to be there to see what was going to happen next. We put the twenty three tickets we had earned in the raffle. I was hoping to end up with the grand prize, a weekend getaway at a Bed and Breakfast there in Fredericksburg, but my friend Joy won that instead. We ended up with a duffel bag, some kitty cat tiles, and a couple kids toys. I am sure Julie did not plan on spending hours up there on stage giving away prizes, but there were just so many of them! It made everyone feel like a winner to get something.

They actually had to put the raffle on hold to get to the rest of the event, which was announcing winners of the creative cache contest, and then the main event, announcing the winning teams from the competition earlier. To everyone's surprise (most of all, the four people on the team), one of our teams won their division! This team was comprised of three fellas and a girl that actually I met about a couple months ago, right after she moved to the area, and encouraged to come to a local event, where I introduced her to one of the other guys (my attempt at matchmaking), who invited her to come play with them this weekend. It was exciting for me to see them then go on to win the prize together, which was the geocoin minted for the Challenge on a necklace.

The whole weekend, what was so amazing to me is that I didn't hear a single complaint. Not about the scoring, not about the way things were run, about the organization, nothing. Well, maybe the weather. It astounded me and I think was a testament to how well this year's Challenge Team did at planning. There was no regional animosity, and I think that was a benefit of moving to the different format. I hope they keep this format in the future.

As for us, we made it through the weekend without anyone freezing to death. We got about 39 caches for the trip, which was a decent amount. It is actually an amazing number when you consider that my husband who has about a four cache limit was with us, and we got an average of 13 caches for the three days we were doing this. We got another handful of finds on the way back, until we went after one in Sequin that not only was off the beaten path but was a tough micro to boot. We didn't find it but we lost a lot of time, and suddenly all caching was halted so we could make it back home in a timely fashion.

We made it through a weekend camping with a fight or an injury, so I am pretty happy about that. The children all said they had fun and are interested in camping again, which I am also happy about. I think that anyone who didn't go this year because of previous year's experiences really missed out. It was actually a really great time.

TODAY'S GOSPEL READING....

At the church service today, the subject was the wrath of Caiaphas. The gospel example given was John 18:12-23, with the parts about Peter taken out. It read a little something like this:
Then the detachment of soldiers with its commander and the Jewish officals arrested Jesus. They bound him and brought him first to Annas, who was the father in law of Caiaphas, the high priest that year. Caiaphas was the one who had advised the Jews that it would be good if one man died for the people.
Meanwhile, the high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and his teachings.
"I have spoken openly to the world," Jesus replied. "I have always taught in synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews come together. I have said nothing in secret. Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said."
When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby struck him in the face. "Is this the way you answer the high priest?" he demanded.
"If I said something wrong," Jesus replied. "testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" Then Annas sent him, still bound, to Caiaphas the high priest.
The sermon followup (questions to think about in the week ahead) also referenced the following passage from John 11:49-50.
Then one of them, named Caiaphas, who was high priest that year, spoke up. "You know nothing at all! You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than the whole nation perish."

The study question did not, however, mention the following line, which I feel is significant:
He did not say this on his own, but as the high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus would die for the Jewish nation, and not only for that nation but also for the scattered children of God, to bring them together and make them one.
Nor the next, which also is significant, but did not seem to go with the rest of the passage:
So from that day on they plotted to take his life.

During the sermon, I found myself trying to put the pieces of this puzzle into a congruent whole that matched where the minister was going with it. Personally, I don't think the first part, the actual reading, demonstrated any wrath on Caiaphas' part. Rather, it was Annas that Jesus was brought to, and a guard who smacked him, and even in the subsequent passages there is very little about Caiaphas. This Gospel seems to leave out some details about what may or may not have transpired between Jesus and Caiaphas - it hints that after this incident in front of Annas, Jesus was taken to see Caiaphas, but then, after an interjection about Peter again, the story picks right up with Jesus being taken to Pontias Pilate. In Luke, there is even less detail.

The referenced verse from John 11 doesn't really show, to me, wrath or rage on Caiaphas' part, either. It is true that at first the verse reads as if Caiaphas would have Jesus die for the greater good, but then it contradicts that, as if he did not say this in anger at all, but simply as part of a prophecy regarding the way the situation would play out. Then, however, the text switches to suggesting that the Sanhedrin would then cause the prophecy to come true by their own actions, by plotting the death of Jesus.

Interestingly, the Gospels of Matthew and Mark tell a more detailed version of the same events. In those two books, there is an account of the interaction between Caiaphas and Jesus (Matthew 26:57-68, Mark 53-64).

I do see the wrath of Caiaphus here, in these lines:

Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed One?"

"I am", said Jesus. "And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven."

The high priest tore his clothes. "Why do we need more witnesses?" he asked. "You have heard thie blasphemy. What do you think?"

They all condemned him worthy of death.

Mark 14: 60-65

However, I am postulating a theory on Caiaphas. What if, instead of playing the bad guy, he is simply serving his role in God's plan? What if it truly is happening according to the prophecy?

After all, the events have unfolded much like the prophecies found in the stories of David, the Psalms. None of it has been much of a surprise for Jesus, who himself prophesized his own death three times on the way to Jerusalem. It happened much like he said it would, when speaking to his disciples, like here in Mark 10:33-34:

"We are going up to Jerusalem," he said, "and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles, who will mock him and spit on him, flog him and kill him. Three days later, he will rise."

I think it is easy to look at Caiaphas and see wrath, see the baseness of human emotion that pushed him to seek the death of Jesus. I see greed, in Judas, who turned him in. I see fear in Peter, a desire to avoid a mortal death and in return, betray his friend and leader. However, in all of them, I see men playing a role in a human drama in a pivotal political scene, with God's direction. What if it was the voice of God that inspired the prophecy of Caiaphas mentioned in John 11: 51? Without these men's weaknesses, the greatest moment for us sinners would not have happened. (Maybe we exclude Peter on that one - however, what purpose would it have served for him to be crucified along with Jesus for admitting him? He had greater work to do on the earth yet following the death of Christ). In the death of Jesus, we were saved, and the grace of God became available to us through him, and his sacrifice. Without these men, this might not have happened, and then where would we all be? What if it happened exactly as it was orchestrated, with the "bad men" led by God's hand?

We know God is powerful, and awesome. We have seen the amazing things he can do. He alone chose this place, and this time, to send his Son. He lead him right into the hornet's nest, a political drama about to unfold that would set the course of history. Do we think it was by accident? The prophecy of Caiaphas did turn out true - this one man died, and it brought the scattered children of God together and made them one, saved through the blood of the lamb.

The sermon given that day suggested that Caiaphas was acting out of selfish, worldy pursuits, instead of for a higher purpose. I think that in fact, he played the role that he was fated to play, and simply brought about the circumstances where we would be made anew in the grace of God through his Son, Jesus.

It was, in fact, according to the prophecy. The prophecies of Jesus himself about his own death, Caiaphas' forecast, the striking coincidences in the Psalms, to me lay out a grand design. Who are we to question God's plan? It makes me think that maybe even the bad experiences, even the people we question about and are repulsed by their actions, are here in our lives for a reason.

TRAVEL BUG FEATURE STORY # 6
IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL
I haven't written about travel bugs in a while. In fact, I had to go all the way back to last summer to see what feature # was next in the series I meant to write about my favorite ones. It's not that I am not as interested in them. In fact, I have a contest going on with my own right now that is kind of fun. I think I just moved on to other topics instead. Maybe I was having too much fun with my digital camera and telling stories to go along with all the pictures I've been taking.
Anyway something weird and wonderful happened to one of my travel bugs that I just have to share.
One of the very first travel bugs I ever made up and sent out into the world was Love Potion #8.5. It is a little vial of perfume with a charm hanging off it, something given to me by Pegah back in high school, and the name is sort of a joke about my husband and I's "not-quite-perfect" love spell. Anyway, I attached this item to the dog tag I bought off the website and sent it out with the goal of heading to Colorado Springs, where we met. I also outlined some very specific places I would love to have a picture of it in front of, places of significance in our relationship and the early months of our dating (like in front of the "Kissing Camels" rock in Garden of the Gods, where we had our first kiss).
Anyway, the bug managed to make it into the hands of a cacher who promised to take it to Colorado after three brief months, and after stopping in Arkansas and California along the way. I thought it would reach its goal really quickly. Then it didn't actually get dropped for several months, and then cachers started moving it the wrong direction in Colorado. Then, a year and four months into its journey (and on my son's birthday), it got picked up by a cacher who said he goes to Colorado Springs, and even Manitou, one of the places I mentioned, fairly often, and he had asked if I wanted him to hang on to it until next time he went.
So, a year and a half later, he finally makes it down to the Springs area. (Meanwhile he had taken it on a lovely tour of Paris with him). He drops it off in a cache.
But not just any cache. This is where the story gets weird.
I check out the cache he places it in, Weasel COS, and it strikes me that the name of the cache and the name of the hider are both familiar to me. This is a unique cache owned, partially, by h2o z, who lives in Klamath Falls, Oregon, the place where my husband and I moved right after our early courtship in the Springs area. This same cacher has a cache called Weasel in Klamath Falls that we found on our visit to that area this summer! (He is also a Charter Member of geocaching.com).
So, I think it is really strange that of all my 62 trackables I own, that the one that symbolizes my husband and I's relationship ends up in a cache on CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN BLVD for pete's sakes (the main drag to the zoo, where I worked when I lived there), in a cache owned by someone who lives in my husband's hometown, a town of 19,000 halfway across the country!
Weird.

Funny GIRL
Some people say I don't have a sense of humor. They think I am too serious, or don't laugh enough at their jokes, or need to lighten up. I don't think that it means I don't have a sense of humor.
Because I know I do. I make myself laugh all the time.
Sometimes writing geocaching logs online cracks me up. I am totally amused by what I write, but it is a joke with no audience, nobody else to let in on the punchlines.
So I am going to let you in the joke. If I make you laugh, let me know...in a comment, or email, or in a message from your geocaching profile....

hardings couldn't find K's Cache (Traditional Cache)
This cache is giving me an existential crisis. Like, I am standing there in what appears to be an empty field with nothing but questions. Who am I? Am I K? Do I know K? What am I doing standing here looking at mud with a GPSr in my hand? Am I really a geocacher? I reach for clues but no one answers the phone. I start to wonder if it is a puzzle instead, and I wonder why a likely spot seems so far away from my self. My accurary reads at 16 ft, but I have no idea who and what I am. Until I find my true self, I might not be able to find the cache. Alas, I must leave this place and seek my soul to find the answer to this quest. I will be back, but by then I will have been changed ever so slightly and perhaps only then will I discover the true meaning of where this cache is, and what it all means.

February 8 by hardings (1349 found)
So, it was a dark and windy night...evening...well, around dusk. We stopped to grab this one on the way back from Austin. The wind whipping through the trees made an ominous sound as I made my way along the geotrail and around the briar bushes. A large bird suddenly took off above my head, the wings of an owl flapping along with the mysterious "ooo-ooo". I was getting a little spooked. As I reached over to grab the cache, I let out a spooky sound of my own, of a bit more odiferous nature. After that, I didn't hear any spooky sounds. I think I accidentally stumbled upon the trick to keeping ghosts at bay....took the Tb tag. Thanks for a nice gas..uhm...cache.

And one more...

February 12 by hardings (1350 found)Came by after work. Did I mention I was blonde? that kind of handicaps me sometimes, like today. I saw the gate was locked but also noticed a break in the fence on the right. It was the skinny test, and I took it, and was failing miserably. I kept trying to squeeze through but my female parts were in the way and no matter how much I sucked in, they weren't getting any smaller! After bumping my finger painfully, I decided to look for another way, and that is when I noticed the people gate next to the main gate, which was not locked. Did I mention I was blonde? After that, it was a matter of getting over and approaching from the right direction to be able to spy it, sign the log, and walk off brushing leaves out of my hair and nursing my hurt finger. It's better now, and I got the cache, so hey, thanks for the find.

THE MYSTERY OF HISTORY
each time you'd pull down the driveway i wasn't sure when i would see you again...
On a rainy and wet Friday the thirteenth, the four of us are cruising on into Galveston. Come in on the far end of the seawall, working our way west along the strips of restaurants, hotels, and surf shops. Camper trailers lined the parking spaces along the edge of the seawall. This was a sight previously unseen in Galveston, hard hit by hurricane of late.
yours was a twisted blind-sided highway no matter which road you took then

We were headed for a little place we call "just past reality". See, what you do is you drive down the seawall until you come to an odd little tollbooth in the middle of nowhere. You go on past the tollboth, over the bridge, and drive until you are just past reality, then hang a left and find a beach....

This is what we remembered, three of us girls. Trips out here with boys of significance. A bonding voyage. Pomagranetes, cintronella candles, incense and wine. Now we have grown up concerns and turn to each other in the wildness of nature and the rolling surf.

oh you set up your place in my thoughts moved in and made my thinking crowded

These girls I have known and loved for years. I remember befriending Pegah when I saw other girls, my friends at the time, bullying her. They called her a liar, and a theif, and I wanted to get to know her, because that must have been difficult to deal with, especially when you feel alone. That was eighteen years ago. 1991. I know she is none of those things. She is one of the most genuinely sweet people I have ever met. And just gorgeous.

Lara I had met on the cross country team that same year, or maybe '92. We had several random moments together in high school and the start of college. We lived in the same town while in college and our paths crossed only right at the beginning and right at the end. Then we split for opposite coasts. We both returned home, and ran into each other at the Wal-Mart I frequent some four or five years ago. We've been inseperable ever since, and I love her dearly more each day.

Jennifer is my "sister", my "live in liver", and has been a constant friend since we met at the beginning of college, when we were twenty. She has always understood me best of anyone I knew. In our early twenties, we lived together.

When I was home from college on the weekends, I partied with Pegah. We were all about the nightclubs. Jennifer and I were off on a hippie trip back in College Station. I still had the beaded curtain when I moved off to California...and I had it this night, in my pack...

now we're out in the back with the barking dogs

My big plan was to pull out the curtain and we could use it to draw ourselves a circle of stars, in which we would sit and join together in our mutual energies to help each other. Pegah was going through a rough time, and we've always had those kind of dark energies in our life. We were there to help her, and help each other.

We expected things to be different in Galveston, considering the damage from Hurricane Ike. As we drove west and started to leave "reality" behind, the beach houses looked washed clean to me. They were structurally sound and seemed to be smiling in the light. Jennifer had a completely different perspective, though.

We made a stop at some very odd area just before the bridge, and the toll booth we remember. It was a long walk down a pier that just ended with open hanging ends on both sides, about a six foot drop to the sand below (I was going to attempt to do an earthcache there in the dark). As we turned back, Jennifer talked about how spooky this place was, and we were all a little creeped out when we got in the car.

Then we drove over the bridge, a long trip in misty fog, and hit a "Road Closed" sign. We couldn't get "Just Past Reality" because the road no longer existed. We all kept our eyes peeled for any "Ike Zombies" out there. We were certain they were hiding behind the sand dunes.

Finally we found a secluded beach on which to lay our blanket. Lara had brought the wood, and Jennifer made the fire, with her little headlight on and looking all "Jibber". Jennifer hustled that fire, all eight months preggy, and wasn't afraid to bust that baby belly out when the cops showed up...three times. Four different cars. The first time, I was pulling up my shorts, having been in the process of changing. He drove right up and told us the neighbors would call to complain about the fire. The second and third were buddies, and when Pegah and I got up the nerve to go talk to them, they were laughing and telling us to go on back, we were cool, they talked to the first guy, and now were just hanging out there. Then Pegah and I disagreed the whole way back on if they were saying we could or couldn't have a fire. We just didn't see it the same way.

my heart the red sun

When we were finally settled, Pegah and Lara went to check out the water. Pegah was in her element, I understand. Jennifer and I sat on the blanket together and started singing songs. We were singing old school shit, back from when we first started hanging out, songs from our adolescent youth. We both had a latent Indigo Girls stage. We sang our favorite, "Ghost", then made our way to Simon and Garfunkel, "Homeward Bound," a round of "Romeo and Juliet". She looked so beautiful and "her self" in the moment, and I wondered at how amazing it was that we could still connect like this. How many years we've been singing the same songs.

I ask her what she wants to sing next, and she thinks.

Then she turns to me and says, "What about Mystery?"

It's a song from an Indigo Girls album from 1994, the one I listened to so much freshman year of college, around the time I met her. It is one I can't remember off hand, but know I sing along when it is on.

So she starts it....(lyrics throughout, bold italic)

your heart the moon clouded

When the girls came back, we sat around the fire for a little bit. Lara and I went out to the water. The moon hid behind clouds and peeked out every so often. We waited for it. Lara swore it was beautiful. Meanwhile, the waves kept coming. The shadows of the night air were caught underneath the curl of the foam, and I kept expecting the shadows to continue once the water hit the land, hit the groud running, but they never did, and it was catching me off balance. It was freaking me out. The moon came out from behind the cloud, and I tried to record forever the image of it shining over the waters with the shadows that kept coming, but the camera is in imperfect visual recorder. To the left is how the picture turned out. A blank nothing. Only space held together with little flecks of light. With the flash, it is not much better, filled with "orbs" or some such shit.

I could go crazy on a night like tonight

I pulled out the star curtain, which turned out to be a mess we had to unravel. Meanwhile, another cop pulled up, and shone his lights on us. I was getting freaked out because I kept saying we were going to put the fire out, but Pegah was insistent on keeping the fire going. I kept pouring our water on it when the cops showed up. It is just like us, with me trying to put on the pretense of obeying the rules and her rebelling.

when summer's beginning to give up her fight

But it was the fire that wouldn't die, and in the end, only finished with Jennifer wetting the coals, then covering it with wet sand. And during our time there, we shared energy, passed along affirmations, both for ourselves and for each other, and set goals for the beginning of the new moon, a new phase, a time of growth and new beginnings.

and every thought's a possibility

Together, my friends and I, we dreamed dreams. We shed inhibitions. We talked about what makes us most vulnerable, and how to combat it. We called to the guardians of the watchtowers, and we bid them hail and farewell. I shall never forget the waving arms of four beautiful women wishing away the spirits of the night.

and voices are heard but nothing is seen

And in the end, we battled the sleep monster while driving back to the hotel through the fog of forgotten dreams and reconfirmed visions. We looked around the town for a place to get Jennifer a snack, but all we got for our large circle was to end up back at the beginning, at an Exxon station.

why do you spend this time with me maybe an equal mystery
Most of my friends know how I lament the loss of friendships. Why? I always wonder. How can you be friends with someone for any length of time and then just let that go? I understand that people change, but underneath it all, aren't we still the same people we have always been? Perhaps, though, the bigger mystery is not why friendships end, but why they don't. People don't change, but they evolve, and continuing to maintain friendships involves work, and dedication, and understanding. It involves trust that the person you have evolved into is still someone the old friend can respect and love. In the face of changing life situations, religious beliefs, moral viewpoints, education levels, interests, family changes, children, spouses, how is it that fifteen years later, we can be sitting on the same beach singing the same songs we know by heart as we did when we met?

But I still believe in the importance of history. That's why I hang on. It's like hanging on to it makes it real.

so what is love then

is it dictated or chosen

does it sing like the hymns of 1000 years

or is it just pop emotion

and if it ever was here and it left,

does it mean it was never true ,

and to exist it must elude,

is that why i think these things of you ?

And I am glad we had this night. I will have that image etched in my mind always of Jennifer's singing face in the moonlight, of the feel of the firm beach beneath my body, the incredible feeling of peace when we all closed our eyes and held our minds open to the night, releasing all the negativity pent up inside, of Lara's hair shining with mist in the moonlight.

but i could go crazy on a night like tonight when summer's beginning to give up her fight and every thought's a possibility and voices are heard but nothing is seen why do you spend this time with me maybe an equal mystery

...................................................

oh but you like the taste of danger

We had little bites from sand fleas or something akin when we got back to the hotel, dirty and dusty and dog-gone tired. I think I was snoring before Jennifer and Lara got done with showers. I am so sad we didn't get to sample the liquor Pegah brought from home that I had chilled. I didn't want to bring it to the beach because I had a bag full of candle holders and was afraid it would break. Maybe I was afraid to be responsible for something so fragile.

it shines like sugar on your lips

In the morning, we went down to get some breakfast. It was all too sweet for Jennifer, who has to watch her sugar. As we ate, she decided to see if having a piece of toast with peanut butter would work for her. I don't think it worked out that way. We drove down the seawall going back towards the Strand, and saw people outside everywhere in green and black hats, pulling carts of beads down the sidewalks, climbing out of camp trailers.

and you like to stand in the line of fire just to show you can shoot straight from your hip

Mardi Gras Galveston was about to kick off with the parade on a chilly and misty Saturday morning. We saw the floats as they pulled into position as we drove out into the residential area.

As we drove through the Galveston area, we saw some places that were still badly damaged. Some places that would never reopen. Some were vestiges of Galveston's heyday, like the Flagship Hotel, right off the water.

In the end, I felt like this place had been through a trial by fire, and had come out on the other side stronger. I had told the girls a story I read on the geocaching logs for nearby caches, a story about a man and a woman surviving the storm by clinging to the rafters of their attic. That's bravery, or insanity. I can't imagine risking your life to stay with your home during that storm.

there must be a 1000 things you would die for

i can hardly think of two

but not everything is better spoken aloud

not when i'm talking to you

On our way out of town, we answered some questions for a couple of virtual caches. One was at the Bishop's Palace, which to me looked the same as it did before the storm, except cleaner and maybe with a couple broken windows. The other led us to the ruins of the pirate Jean Lafitte's house, called "Maison Rouge" in its time. Lafitte was asked to leave the US, and fled to the Yucatan. Now his once grand house, with lots of booty, was a few crumbling concrete slabs with a little wild garden of vines running through it. A house nearby had a shed slung carelessly over the fence. The winds of change had certainly bounced things around.

oh the pirate gets the ship and the girl tonight

breaks a bottle to christen her

basking in the exploits of her thief

she's a very good listener

And somehow that makes me think of ourselves, much older than we used to be when we haunted these same parts. I think of Jennifer as a little girl coming here to visit her grandmother. To her, the city is irrevokably changed.

To me, it looks like a stronger version of its former self, maybe with some signs of past distress still, but railing, sallying forth, pushing into a future unknown.

Kind of like us women.

and maybe that's all that we need

is to meet in the middle of impossibility

standing at opposite poles

equal partners in a mystery

we're standing at opposite poles

equal partners in a mystery

ADVENTURES IN CACHING
Austin (Part 3)
This day was not that productive in terms of geocaching. It had a lot to do with children not wanting to get up in the morning. I didn't get them out of the hotel until after nine. We had plans to go straight to Diane's house, an old friend I have reconnected with over Facebook. She and her husband just bought a house on the north side of town, and invited us over for blueberry pancakes and poached pears this morning.
In typical fashion, I was late and harried, and the children were all over the place. I really wanted to get deeper into a conversation Diane, Geoff, Carrie and I were having about art, legacy, and humanity, but the children were making it very difficult. They had found the hole in her backyard fence and were trying to turn the gas pipe into a gun.
So we left, and headed first to Wooten Park to find a cache and play on the playground, and then to an area I had been eyeing on the map, Covert Park, or the Mount Bonnell. This summit was tucked back in a neighborhood with nice houses, big hills, and nice views, and is where I imagined the Hollywood stars who come to Austin have their houses.
It was a short hike (0.15 from the trailhead or thereabouts) up a rocky trail that led to a summit and overlook area. The summit was a virtual cache, and there was a traditional cache off a side trail. The children kept wanting to walk closer to the edge, in typical fashion. The oldest one walks right into danger and the little one follows him. It's a pattern I'd like stopped.
However, the view was very appealing. We liked looking down at the houses below. We kept getting surprised with how grand and impressive they were. All had cute little boathouses built on the waters edge, with shiny fancy boats bobbing around inside. In our minds, we imagined living inside a house like that, or what the people were liked that lived there, or how fun it would be to be riding those boats. We watched the boats zip by and imagined the fun in luxury.
After this two cache adventure, we took a trail shortcut that took us right to where our truck was parked, but on a higher terrain level. As I debating on who to send first down the rocky edge at the last six feet or so, a woman I had seen picnicking earlier offered to help me, and helped hoist Kaleb down, which made things a lot easier for me. This offering of kindness from a stranger really touched me.
Then we started making our way back to Camp Mabry to exchange vehicles with my husband, but on the way, realized we were close to another geocache I really wanted to get. This one was called "Art Star" and was at the Laguna Gloria art museum.
It was a very interesting place. We walked from a studio down a paved trail along a large body of water - a cove of some sort. The local flora was more like Florida than Texas, all large-leaved wet plants and a general mugginess. This may just have been the impending rain and resulting moisture. Lights were strung along trees and over benches decorated in whimsical artistic fashion.
The little one was starting to get tired, and of course asked to be carried the whole way (which, at about 0.30 mile round trip walk over varied terrain, was not something I enjoyed nor would constantly do, which led to meltdowns).
We eneded up in a grassy area surrounded by woods. In the middle of the grassy area stood this piece.
The cache page suggested you bring a piece of art to trade in the cache, and we had brought some drawings done in colored pencil by the boys while we were at Diane's. In the end, we decided not to trade our drawings. We took a back way out, which led to the rear of the main house, with statues surrounding a waterfall. I really enjoyed the scenery around here and would have enjoyed the whole thing more if the toddler hadn't been clinging to me the whole time.
After this, I had some kind of meltdown when my husband and I traded out cars. I was hormonal, tired, hungry, irritated, lost, confused, and generally stressed out. I did feel better after having a cry about it.
After that, we ended up at a park that no one wanted to leave. It was just a small playground area with a cache nearby, and a limestone kiln to look at and check out. However, despite being a diminutive area, it helped calm down our trip in powerful ways.
After this, we drove around Austin one more time. There were many, many caches to be gotten, but I didn't feel like doing any of the, and we checked out the river from near the Congress Street bridge before moving out, doing a few little cultural type geocaches on the way out of town. There was an ABC Challenge going on in Central Austin and we did some recently placed in a cemetary involving the rare letters of "Y" and "X".
Heading out of Austin back towards Spring, we managed to find several more short quick geocaches, bringing the day's total to 13. A decent number, but nothing compared to the find counts of some of those at the top of the game. Thirty for our trip, though, which brought us ahead a couple notches on the geocacher rankings. We saw a lot of cool places we never knew about, and experienced the town and surrounding areas while here geocaching, and it is something I would do again and again.

TEXAS MEMORIAL MUSEUM

ADVENTURES IN CACHING
Austin (Part 2)
It's midday on a Saturday in Austin, and the weather is just right. It is right around seventy five, with a light breeze blowing, slightly overcast. Most importantly, not humid, and that is what makes it perfect Texas weather. The summers are like a warm blanket heavy across your chest, but spring days are lovely.
We've found four caches, which is not a good amount, seeing as how we've been driving around since eight. We also stopped at the Texas Memorial Museum, an Austin tradition of ours. This museum is right along the edge of the campus of the University of Texas. On weekends like this, both parking and museum admission is free, and it has some of the coolest dinosaur bones ever. This is right up the oldest son's alley, who is an amateur paleontologist. We also walk by a statue of galloping mustangs, which appeals to the youngest son and I who share a love for horses.

In between the horse statue and the museum exhibit of glass encased Texas dinosaur footprints from the Jurassic period lies a geocache called Texas Travel Bug University Part Deux. I've actually been to it three or four times now, to exchange traveling items (like this day, when I exchanged one travel bug for antoher). It is a quick trail into a wooded area that is just mere steps from the bone-shaped benches for children. We've been to the museum many times now, but previously had not viewed the Hall of Texas Wildlife. That was interesting.

After this, we had made it over to a gourmet coffeeshop (Jimmy John's) just off MLK near campus. We listened to cellar music as we ate our fancy sandwiches, chips, and lemonade. After lunch, it was time to get serious about caching. We headed straight for the Capitol, where the top picture was shot. There were several virtuals in the area regarding Texas history. We went to various statues and answered questions, such as "How long is the Great Walk?" The boys loved the cannons in the fields around, and in fact little K had a temper tantrum after having to leave one, to go to this statue (which was not a virtual geocache, but simply something that caught my eye):

We also found interesting areas of town, things we had never noticed before. We were headed down Barton Springs towards Zilker Park and found this random piece of art:
The Beer Tree. Go figure.

Finally, we made it into the park, and managed to find the perfect parking spot for our next adventure (which wasn't hard, since it was in the very back of the lot for Barton Springs).We walked about three hundred feet northwest up a little rocky trail across the street from the parking lot, and on the left of the trial, we found a geocache that contained a thermometer, a thermometer which we were going to use to perform the next steps of the earthcache located at Barton Springs, The Limestone Manifold. Centex geocachers voted it the Best Earthcache in 2007.

We had to take the thermometer over to the Barton Springs swimming area and take the temperature of the water. We had to submit photos of us performing that task, and also of the result. In addition, we needed to post photos of us at this plaque about the Springs, and answer a question about the aquifer that required some critical thinking skills.

I was excited to get this cache. I have wanted to get this one for a long time but never had the time or patience. It was a struggle this day nonetheless. AJ was extremely devoted to a "lab" task inside the cave-like "Splash" exhibit attached to the Springs. Kaleb really would rather us have gone to the playground. Basically, though, they were pretty good guys.

Some lady offered to take the picture and then told AJ she was a teacher, and she wanted to tell him he was a wonderful little man who would go on to do great things one day. AJ replied, "I know", in an agreeable tone, and I found it hilarious. Kaleb walked up to a picnic table full of older people and asked them if he could sit with them. They, being mostly grandmotherly types, just thought he was the cutest thing, and we ended up chatting for a bit as Kaleb enjoyed their company.
Finally we got on the move again. After getting turned around and around chasing one cache I haven't been able to find a time or two led to the same fate (darn it! I needed that E, too, for this ABC Challenge they are having in Central Texas. Right now I have 15 of 26, after the 30 finds this weekend. Almost ALL the caches I found on Saturday began with T. Like this cache).Oh man, and then we ended up on the "Lower East Side", and where Sixth Street turns into Pecan Street, with nods to historical interests. We ended up in the Texas State Cemetary, where we have to answer questions regarding the graves and memorials to different heros in Texas History. For instance, we had to name the four adjectives used on the headstone to describe this guy:

Around this time, K fell asleep and A was whining to go back to the hotel room. After a few more random gropings of the wilderness and art objects in the lower east side, we made it back to the hotel.
Our total for the day was 17 caches. This was a pretty good number, although not our highest day. We did have lots of stops and really spent time at each cache.
I considered it a Good Day.
The free margaritas that evening were a nice topping. Next time, day two....

ADVENTURES IN CACHING

Austin

It's no secret Austin is our favorite place to go geocaching. Maybe it's the hills, the varied terrain, the creativity of the hides, or maybe it is just that it is a neat town to get lost following a compass in. We always have a good time going there and discovering new places about the town that we never knew about while pursuing our favorite hobby.

Which is why, since my husband started working there every other weekend, I have been bugging him to let us come up with him and geocache the town while he is at work. Several disputes later, we finally got our trip.

It was a hard won trip. He looks forward to weekend getaways without the kids to just chill out and watch basketball games without interruptions. We got into a heated disagreement about when it was acceptable for me to come up. He insisted I drive up Saturday, I insisted Friday, and we were both being just as stubborn about it. I really wanted to get started caching FIRST thing in the morning Saturday, because I knew a trip to the Texas Memorial Museum and a visit to some old friends would be in order, and I wanted to get in as much caching as possible in between.

In the end, I got my way, but I am not really sure it helped me much. The kids woke up at five thirty in the morning with my husband and did not want to go back to bed, so at seven am sharp, we went down to be the first ones in line for the hotel breakfast buffet.

Guess what? The Special Olympics were going on this same weekend here in Austin, and many of the competitors were staying in the hotel we were in. Maybe beating everyone to breakfast was part of their strategy, too, because there was a long line ahead of us...and it moved very very slowly. It was tragic and comical all at the same time. I know I should leave this alone, but the text messages I sent to my husband while we ate were cracking us both up....Suffice to say, waiting in that line with two young boys by myself was not the most fun.

Finally we got on our way. The first cache I chose was a day-before decision to add to my list - one only a couple miles north of our hotel at Gus Garcia Recreational Area. I was expecting a park, but I should know by know that in Austin speak, a park doesn't mean a place with a playground, but an outdoor area for hiking and enjoying nature. There was an indoor gym that we walked around along the path to get to the cache.

And I need to quit not taking the stroller out with me, because wouldn't you know it, the toddler always starts asking to be carried about 500 feet into anything. This was sort of a frustrating walk with him being a human leg warmer or pressed against my chest. Luckily, on the way back, he was willing to follow brother (into danger), since that wonderful hotel breakfast was starting to hit me in all the wrong places.....

It was a really nice little cache, though, and a great "park" to enjoy.

After this, it was a round and round the town, following the compass every which way. I really need to get some good mapping software and go paperless. I get out and then I get confused about where to go next and what is the best way to get there.

Frustration. In our roundabout travels chasing caches and slowly heading southest, we did accidentally stumble upon Bevo's trailer....

Now, you should know that I am the only Aggie among my high school friends. A "Good Ag" would have all kinds of jokes or comments to make about this beef wagon. But I'll save it....

We found a cache nearby that had eluded me before, and I couldn't shut the lid after without taking the bubbles out of the container, so we just had to take them with us to our next cache, which was at Waterloo Park near the Capitol Building. It was a windy day and that made it perfect for blowing bubbles in the grassy stretches of the park. Which we did. For way too long.

The park itself was very interesting. It had all kinds of interesting statues and artwork. It also had all kinds of interesting "residents". Apparently it draws more than its fair share of bums, and there was a fair amount of litter around. It made me kind of sad to see this beautiful stretch of creek littered with trash, but I made a game out of trying to capture the beauty of the park with my camera without getting any of the trash in the picture. Here are some examples:

Well, you know me, I always have more to say. With our computer having been at the shop, though, for more than two weeks, everyone else in the house is dying to get online as well, and I could spned a lot fo time telling the stories and posting the pictures. So I think I will make this the first installment of at least a few entries about the fabulous things we saw while caching in Austin.

AND THE BEAT GOES ON....
To continue with my occasional riffs on Beat Generation books, and my quest to re-read all of the "Dulouz Legend", I have another book review to share with you....
DHARMA BUMS
by Jack Kerouac

Ahhhh. Very nice. I loved this book.
I actually read this the first time when I was a teenager, but I think I didn't absorb it completely. I couldn't remember many of the details, and my memories were connected with two guys I knew in school that reminded me of the main characters. Perhaps it is just that during that time, my understanding was that they WERE characters, fictional devices used to tell a story about hiking up a mountain and hitchhiking. My knowledge of Kerouac's life is much more complete now, and now, half a lifetime later and reading it again, I understand. I see the character "Ray Smith" as Kerouac himself, telling a story centering around his friend, Gary Snyder(pictured above as he was at the time of the book), known as "Japhy Ryder" in the novel.
Now, granted, Kerouac always told a version of the truth, although probably not all the truth. He certainly made free use of poetic license. He also tended to base his characters on real people, who were "true romantic heroes of the West", but distorted them and blew them up so that what you are seeing is really a caricature, not a character.
Gary Snyder himself said at one point Dharma Bums was not Kerouac's best work, and that "it was written too hastily". It is true that Kerouac was under a lot of pressure from his editors to produce a book to follow up "On the Road" that had more commercial appeal than some of the other things he was working on at the time (like "Visions of Cody", which is a tough read, even for a Neal Cassady (aka "Cody") fan).
However, I really liked this book this time around. It has some of the best descriptions of natural beauty that I have read ever in a novel. He gives detailed descriptions of hikes taken with Snyder, including a climb up Matterhorn, that took my breath away. This is Kerouac laying the groundwork for the "rucksack revolution" he visualized, and probably inspired lots of young people to pick up packs and head for the open road and undiscovered vistas.
The book ends where "Desolation Angels" picks up, with Kerouac on an isolated mountain top in Washington called Desolation Peak (here in the pic). I found it very interesting to read this description of his adventure here, with him painting it in happy tones, instead of the depressing tones of "Desolation Angels". Instead of focusing on his loneliness and inner struggles, he describes the scenery and his place in it with happiness and peace.
Snyder certainly influenced Kerouac in terms of religion. Kerouac was already intrigued by Buddhism when he met Snyder, but here in this book, you see Snyder teaching him more about this religion that they both had in common at this time. Snyder was truly and deeply Buddhist, and teased Kerouac that at the end of his life, he would be praying to his Christian God, with all his notions of "little lamby Jesus", and that teasing was right on. Here in this book, though, they introduce several notions of Buddhism that may have inspired readers to learn more about eastern religions themselves.
Overall, I decided that this was the ONE book I would ask my husband to read. We have been married for ten years and he does not read or have any interest in hearing about the books that mean so much to me, but he told me early in our marriage that he would read ONE book that I selected and talk about it with me. Ten years later, I still had not found that one book that summed up everything I liked about reading.
Well, folks, this one is it.